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HOTSQUATCH!

2 0 2 6  C A L E N D A R

"Twelve months of Sasquatch. Zero months of shame."

1-800-HOT-SQCH
Operators are standing by (they are also Bigfoot)

Twelve Sizzling Months

January: Squatch in a hot tub

January

Squatch in a Hot Tub. Steam optional. Fur mandatory.

February: Valentine's Squatch

February

Squatch with Roses. Valentine's Edition. Single red rose. Smouldering gaze.

March: Yoga Squatch

March

Squatch Doing Yoga at Sunset. Downward-facing Sasquatch.

April: Rainy Day Squatch

April

Squatch in the Rain. Tasteful umbrella pose. Very mysterious.

May: Gardening Squatch

May

Squatch Gardening in Short Shorts. Surprisingly good with tulips.

June: Pride Squatch

June

Pride Squatch. Fabulous & furry. Rainbow optional, confidence mandatory.

July: Beach Squatch

July

Beach Squatch in a Speedo. They said it couldn't be done. They were right.

August: BBQ Squatch

August

Squatch at the BBQ. Apron. Nothing else. "Kiss the Cryptid."

September: Scholar Squatch

September

Back-to-School Squatch. Sexy librarian glasses. Very learned.

October: Halloween Squatch

October

Squatch-O-Lantern. Spooky & sultry. Carved pumpkin, carved physique.

November: Thanksgiving Squatch

November

Thanksgiving Squatch. Gobble gobble. That's it. That's the photo.

December: Fireside Squatch

December

Fireside Squatch. Fur only. Tasteful log placement. Season's greetings.

*** "THE CALENDAR THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE" - ANONYMOUS *** AS SEEN ON LATE-NIGHT TV *** BANNED IN 4 NATIONAL PARKS *** "MY WIFE LEFT ME BUT THE CALENDAR STAYED" - RANDY, OREGON ***

WAS $49.99

$19.99

+ $7.99 S&H (Sasquatch & Handling)

But Wait — There's More!

Order in the next 12 minutes and receive a FREE 12-month supply of HotSquatch!™ Brand Hot Sauce! So hot, it's cryptid.

A 1980s family proudly displaying their HotSquatch! hot sauce collection

"Our family has never been the same." — The Hendersons, 1987

Only 47 Calendars Remaining!

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This counter is 100% real and definitely not fake

Order Now!

ORDER NOW!

What People Are Saying

"I bought this as a joke and now it's the centerpiece of my living room. My interior designer quit." — Diane, Connecticut
"July Squatch got me through a very difficult summer. I will not elaborate." — Todd, undisclosed location
"Is this real? Is any of this real? I've ordered six." — A confused but loyal customer
"The quality of the photography is genuinely impressive considering the subject does not exist." — Dr. Karen Woolcott, Cryptozoology Dept.

The HotSquatch! Journey

Timeline showing HotSquatch's evolution from banned curiosity to mainstream sensation

From park bans to calendar fame: The HotSquatch! origin story.

By The Numbers

HotSquatch statistics dashboard showing key metrics and cultural impact

The data speaks for itself. (Except for the parks. They're not speaking to us anymore.)

HotSquatch!™ 2026 is a production of Definitely Real Products Inc.
"Making things you didn't know you didn't need since 1997"

HotSquatch! 2026 is a novelty calendar. Bigfoot is not confirmed to exist. The photographs are "artistic interpretations" and do not represent actual Sasquatch. Definitely Real Products Inc. makes no claims regarding the attractiveness of any cryptid, real or imagined. Not responsible for marital difficulties arising from calendar display. 1-800-HOT-SQCH is not a real phone number. Please do not call it. By reading this disclaimer you agree to purchase at least one calendar.

How It Works

Twelve months. One Sasquatch.

Each month, one shameless Sasquatch strikes a tasteful(?) pose. By December it has been banned in four national parks. The calendar performs exactly as designed.