All Products
Est. 1997
CARPETS
Pets for your car. Now in 3 breeds.
The world's first automotive companion animal. Choose from Shagpile, Persian, or Labrador. They don't fetch, but they don't shed either.
View Product → Est. 1997
The Tragic 8 Ball
Ask it anything. Regret everything.
Like a Magic 8 Ball, but it's been through some stuff. Every answer is technically correct — just deeply unhelpful. Crushing dreams since 1997.
View Product → Est. 2001
The Magic Hate Ball
It has opinions. All hostile.
The angry sibling of the Tragic 8 Ball. Shake it at your own risk. Its opinions are its own (though privately we agree with most of them).
View Product → Est. 2024
Hay Eye Companions
The original smart speaker.
AI companions are expensive. Hay bales with googly eyes are not. Stand in a field and talk to one. They listen. They never judge. They are hay.
View Product → Est. 2001
Soup of the Night
When regular soup just isn't enough.
The sultry, darker opposite of Soup of the Day. Late-night soup with mood lighting, saxophone energy, and wine pairings for canned soup. Open after 10pm.
View Product → Est. 2024
Stranger's Things
Turned Upside Down. Lifted From Pockets.
HotSquatch heard Stranger Things was popular. He did not understand it. But he wanted in. A five-piece collector's set of items liberated from the pockets of complete strangers.
View Product → Est. 2003
Grocery Gnomes
Professional grocery chaos agents.
Hire gnomes to rearrange aisles, wipe shopper memories, and transform grocery shopping into an adventure. Memory wiping and weekly shuffling included.
View Product → Est. 2019
Mosquito Teleportation Device
Never get swatted again.
Revolutionary teleportation technology for mosquitoes. Instant escape with 10-second invisibility. Warning: side effects include blood cravings.
View Product → Est. 2026
The Smart Brick
The future of doing nothing, beautifully.
A regular brick with a WiFi chip. It connects to your network. It doesn't do anything else. App coming Q3 2027. The revolution starts with masonry.
View Product → Est. 2026
Cloud Storage
Real clouds. Real jars. Really.
Actual clouds, captured and stored in artisanal glass jars. Each jar comes with a Certificate of Atmospheric Authenticity. Do not open the jar.
View Product → Est. 2026
TaskMaster 3000
It knows what you haven't done.
A physical to-do list that judges you. Prints passive-aggressive notes when tasks go overdue. Features a Disappointment Meter. Syncs with nothing but your conscience.
View Product → Est. 2026
The Dog Translator
Finally understand your dog. (It's food.)
A collar that translates what your dog is saying. Every translation is "I want food." Every single one. Even when they're sleeping. 99.7% accuracy.
View Product → Est. 1998
The Magic Wait Ball
Good things come to those who... hold on.
The wait is the product. Shake it, ask it a question, or just sit there. It's loading. It's always loading. Estimated delivery: eventually.
View Product → Est. 2024
Dark Mode
Enable dark mode anywhere.
Premium sunglasses that turn everything dark. Works on any environment — offices, outdoors, family gatherings. No software update required. Toggle reality itself.
View Product → Est. 2003
The Spam Filter
Industrial-grade spam filtering.
A kitchen colander engineered for one purpose: filtering canned Spam. 99.7% Spam detection rate. Zero false positives. Enterprise licensing available.
View Product → Est. 2026
Bluetooth
Pair with any mouth.
A single blue tooth. Premium dental jewelry that pairs seamlessly with any mouth. No charging required. Not compatible with Bluetooth 5.0 or any other version.
View Product → Est. 2019
The Firewall
Your home's first line of defense.
A decorative wall panel with built-in LED flame effects. Protects your home by looking intimidating. Motion-activated. Intruders hate this one weird trick.
View Product → Est. 2026
The Social Battery
45 minutes of small talk. Fully charged.
A physical battery pack for social energy. Clip it on, power through networking events. Low battery warning at 15 minutes. Recharges via 8 hours of solitude.
View Product →
Est. 2024
HotSquatch! 2026
12 months of Sasquatch. 0 months of shame.
The tasteful(?) Bigfoot pinup calendar you didn't know you needed. Banned in 4 national parks. Only $19.99. Operators are standing by.
View Product →Awards & Recognition
Best in Show
Pensacola County Fair, 2003 (Livestock category, by accident)
Most Likely to Exist
Better Business-ish Bureau, 2024
Certificate of Participation
Delaware Annual Business Filing, every year since 1997
3rd Place
Regional Innovation Award (only 3 entries)
Honorable Mention
Sasquatch Entrepreneurs Quarterly, "Most Ethical Use of Bigfoot" 2019
Five Stars
From our mom. She's very proud of us.