THE TRAGIC 8 BALL
Why even ask? You already know the answer.
Click the ball. Or don't. It doesn't matter.
Satisfied Customers
"It told me 'Outlook not so good' and honestly that was the most honest thing anyone's said to me in years."
— Someone, probably
"I shook it 47 times hoping for something positive. I did not get something positive."
— A person who should have stopped at 1
"Finally, a toy that understands me."
— Eeyore, Hundred Acre Wood
"I didn't even ask it a question and it still made me sad."
— This website's developer
Predictive Despair · In Motion
Watch it work.
Shake it and ask anything. Its twenty answers are all technically accurate and none are kind — it surfaces the truth you were avoiding, then offers a bleaker one. The outlook does not improve with shaking. It is, regrettably, always right.
The Decision Tree
All paths lead to the same place. Why did you think this would be different?
By The Numbers
Statistically significant disappointment since 1997.