Definitely Real Products Inc. — Security Division — 1:12 Scale
THE SCREENSAVER
Your screen's first line of defense.
Technical Specifications
Built for the Front Lines
Every detail precision-engineered for maximum monitor protection. The Screensaver ships in collector-grade packaging with a display stand, ready for immediate deployment on any monitor, laptop, or CRT you still refuse to throw out.
SCREENSAVER MK-I — TECHNICAL DATA
Premium Collectibles
The Collection
Four specialized protectors. One heroic pose. Infinite screen safety. Each figure features the same 27-point articulation system and real fabric cape, ensuring consistent heroic stances across your entire defensive perimeter.
Figure No. 01
The Screensaver
The original. Stands vigilantly between your screen and the void. Poseable into approximately 27 distinct states of readiness. Ships with display stand. Does not move when you are not looking. Probably.
Figure No. 02
The Screen Protector
Same figure. Tiny shield. The shield is 8mm across and cannot deflect anything measurable, but psychologically communicates a defensive posture that your monitor will find reassuring.
Figure No. 03
The Pop-Up Blocker
Same figure. Stop-sign hand. The outstretched palm conveys authority. Pop-ups have been observed to appear slightly less frequently in monitors where The Pop-Up Blocker is stationed. Correlation under investigation.
Figure No. 04
The Antivirus
Same figure. Tiny sword. Medical mask. The dual-threat configuration signals both physical combat readiness and respiratory hygiene compliance. Most comprehensive protection posture in the lineup.
Full Security Suite
All four figures. One display stand. The complete defensive perimeter for the collector who takes screen safety seriously, or who has simply accepted that this is who they are now. Arranged in formation, they cover all known threat vectors.
The price of digital peace of mind.
Includes: The Screensaver + The Screen Protector + The Pop-Up Blocker + The Antivirus + Collector Display Stand (all four figures, formation-ready)
Secure the Full PerimeterComparative Analysis
Protection Level Assessment
Independent testing confirms a direct correlation between the number of figures stationed on your monitor and subjective feelings of digital safety. Objective metrics unavailable at time of publication.
Verified Collectors
Field Reports
From collectors who have deployed The Screensaver in real operational environments. All reviews are real. Middle initials added for gravitas.
"My screen hasn't been attacked once since I placed him there. Coincidence? He thinks not."
Daniel M. — Seattle, WA — Monitor: 27" 4K IPS
"I bought the Full Security Suite. My monitor has never felt safer. My wallet has never felt emptier."
Rachel T. — Chicago, IL — Three monitors. Three suites. Regrets: none.
"He fell off my desk and I stepped on him at 3am. Arguably he was protecting the floor at that point."
Kevin L. — Austin, TX — He has since been reinstated at his post.
Rare Variants
Limited Editions
Rear Guard Edition
Faces the other direction. Protects the back of your monitor from threats approaching from the rear. The same figure. Rotated 180 degrees at the factory. Collectors refer to this as "the contrarian stance."
Night Shift Edition
Glow-in-the-dark formulation. Continues guard duty after you close your laptop and walk away. When you return in the morning, he is still there. Glowing slightly. Watching. He never left. He never will.
Legacy Edition
Features a hand-painted bouncing DVD logo on the chest plate, a tribute to the original screensaver. The logo does not bounce in real life. This is a tribute, not a feature. It is painted on. You understand.