Stranger's Things
Turned Upside Down. Lifted From Pockets.
HotSquatch heard "Stranger Things" was popular. He did not watch it. He did not understand it. But he wanted in.
For three weeks, our 12-foot Director of Cryptid Relations roamed the streets of [REDACTED], turning things "Upside Down" — bins, coat pockets, handbags left momentarily unattended — to curate this Limited Edition collection.
We asked him to stop. He would not stop. So here we are.
Stranger's Things™ — A five-piece collector's set of items liberated from the pockets of complete strangers. Each piece comes with a Certificate of Authenticity and our sincere apologies.
HotSquatch insisted these were valuable. We have chosen to believe him.The Collection
Five artifacts from the Upside Down (of someone's handbag)
The Butterscotch
Lifted from: A granny on a park bench, Clapham Common
"Slightly fuzzy. Pre-loved. She didn't notice — she was feeding pigeons. HotSquatch says she 'seemed nice' and felt bad about it for almost two hours."
The Key
Lifted from: Someone's pocket, Northern Line
"Opens something. We don't know what. HotSquatch describes the previous owner as 'a man with a coat.' We have chosen not to investigate further."
The Receipt
Lifted from: A bin outside Tesco, Balham
"Dated March 2019. A historic document from the Before Times. Items purchased: meal deal, paracetamol, something illegible. A window into a simpler era."
The Pen (Half)
Lifted from: An office worker's jacket, bus stop
"The good half. Still clicks. HotSquatch insists the other half 'wasn't worth taking.' We did not ask follow-up questions."
The Lint
Lifted from: Unknown origin
"HotSquatch cannot recall where this came from. He says it 'spoke to him.' 100% organic mystery fiber. Possibly sentient. We make no guarantees."
Certificate of Authenticity
DEFINITELY REAL PRODUCTS INC.
This certifies that the enclosed item(s) were obtained by HotSquatch, Director of Cryptid Relations, through methods we have chosen not to examine too closely.
Each piece has been verified as genuinely belonging to a stranger at some point. We cannot confirm they wanted to part with it.
HotSquatch's signature. He's very proud of it.
What People Are Saying
Collector's Authentication Guide
Condition grades: M (Mint), NM (Nearly Mint), G (Good), P (Poor but Emotionally Rich)
The Acquisition
HotSquatch's procurement methods remain under legal review.